I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
