No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
