Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
