Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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