the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
