Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize