Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
