YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
