I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
