You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
