Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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