It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
