weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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