My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
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Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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