come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
