I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't make out with my wife yet
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
