we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
