how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
