i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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