UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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