Your dad touched me again.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
