The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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