so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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