Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
