dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
