hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
