Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
