How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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