i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
