I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
