i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
