we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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