1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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