Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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