My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
