I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
