Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
