it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
