I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
