You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.