His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection