I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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