Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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