Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?