I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
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On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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