He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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