You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
