You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
