ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
