I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
