I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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