I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
