I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
