At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
