If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
