I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
