we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
