I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Everclear isn't food dammit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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