Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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