went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
