I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she looked like the before picture.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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