I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
