You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.