wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.