In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize