i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now