i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn