R you on birth control?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants