Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
