I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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