Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
