the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
