This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
