I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
